Hi guys!  I realize I havn't posted in like... Nine weeks, but I've been so busy! This school year is nearly over, and I took all of my exams last quarter.... A's in all of them except math! I had gotten a 'c' on that one because I ran out of time >.<.  So, overall I got a "b' in that, but an A in everything else. 4.2 GPA right now, I think.

I was figuring out my courses for next year, and I'm mad because the school is making me take this stupid course (Which, by the way, I will most likely die in doing.  Pollen is really bad here, the courseis outside, and I've got god-awfull asthema and allergies.)  So I can't take the courses I want.  I get to take Chem again, though.  I LOVE CHEMISTRY.  I think I said that in a post before.... oh well.  So I'm goin have to get a waiver for the Stupid Class, which is even more idiotic because that means that I'll be doing nothing.  But since it's a required, it's taking up a credit slot. >:(

My Dad has gotten me addicted to Bjork.  She's all I can listen to, lately.  I'm listening to her right now, in fact.

Boy is.... amazing.  I'm not right with him right now, but he's still hanging out with me and such.  I'm gonna see him in about twenty minutes!!

So.....  Exams are on Wednesday and Thursday, but I'm exempting them ALL, mwa-hah-hah!!!!!  :) 'Tis great!

But, today and tomorrow my classes are just doing reviews....  So I've spent all day on the computer, wasting my life away.  :D Like I said, most productive day in the history of the universe.  So, really, I don't need to be on campus until next tuesday....

But I'm still showing up to appease the fire-breathing dragon that is my Mother, who believes that school should never be missed for any reason. Even a mysterious 102* fever that makes me hallucinate.  Very long story, don't care to type it all out.  Sorry if your interested. X.X

In other big news:

I'M SINGING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM IN A REALLY MAJOR STADIUM IN A COUPLE MONTHS!!!!!!!!

Heck yes, baby!  I'm so excited, I found out last night, and I ran around my house for 10 minutes straight.  CHYEAH!

Makes me happy!!  I'm also singing for a bit smaller (but not much) eight hours away from here this summer.  How excited am I?  Very.

Me and Boy: Amazing.  I don't know why, it's just.... *happy sigh*

He came up to me, like, half an hour ago and kissed me on the cheek, which was sweet, and I was really surprised.

I've gotten more than a few messages(on this site and others) that 'don't I feel like he's just using me?', and well.... no, I don't feel like that.  I know that he probably is, but at the moment I'm happy, and he's happy, and it's not like I'm looking for a long time relationship anytime soon, anyway.  I know this may sound a little slutty but.... I'm perfectly happy being 'friends with benifits' (or whatever) right now.  If you don't get it, I'm sorry, but I promise you that right now I'm thinking in a realistic mindset, and I'm not trying to delude myself into believing that I'm falling in love with him, like I did with Kitty.

ANYway.....My wife A and I were looking over this earlier today(btw, before I forget to put it in, she's no longer with Moose, and Moose is with So-ans-so...how weird is that?!?)...

It was pretty funny to remember everything, and I was so glad I started this, even though alot of the time I forget.  When I went past the candy sushi blog, she went 'OH MY GOD, we have to do that again!' in the middle of class...  Prof. glared at us, so we kind of shut up, but it was still funny.

Anyway... Carpel Tunnel is slowly developing in my wrists so I have to go now...  Wish me luck in thw Real World, I'm probably gonna need it with the tornado of events happening!

Flippen Spaztastic.

So my bio class is dissecting mudpuppies, but I'm allergic to Fermaldihide (that's spelled wrong, isn't it? -.-) , so my teacher sent me to the media center to work on a project (which, like a true writer, I'm procrastinating on, as you can see.  It's due tomorrow morning.... X.X ) BUT, the center is closed today, for some reason or other.  My bio teacher told me that I have to stay on campus so....I'm sitting in my english techer's class, because I like her.  Lots of my buddies are in here.... (Stalker, Messiah, Jr.), which is fun, except So-and-so is sitting 10 feet from me.

And Last hour I had lunch, which I spent with Boy.... doing stuff.(on campus, I know that's bad).

So-and-so saw.   And right now she's very pointedly glaring at me, but I'm pretending not to see her.  >.< Damn it.  I feel like a bitch....

sombody save me....  she's going to kill me................ T.T

Flippen Spaztastic

HAPPY Christmachanakwanzica everyone!  I hope you all had a good time, and if you didn't celebrate anything.... happy un-birthday.  If it was your birthday... Happy Birthday.  :)

 So, it's the end of december, and where I live it is currently 95 degrees out.  That's just wrong!!  I want snow, I want icicles, I want to go ice skating!!  sigh... oh well.

So-and-so broke up with Boy.  So he's hanging out with me again.  And I feel kind of like a bad one, because... stuff is happening with us.  Good stuff.  Stuff that makes me happy, but then I feel paranoid afterward, becuase I feel like So-and-so is gonna swoop down upon me one day and yell at me.  And that makes me sad.  Because so-and-so is cool...

Off the stuff with Boy, onward to fun stuff!

I'm majoring in Musical Theatre, and my chior class is ALL GIRLS.  It's a small-ish class, compared to other campuses around the country, only 60 girls.  BUT, we decided to do a secret santa thing.  LOTS of Starbucks cards were givin.  'Twas fun.

For my family christmas, I got tickets to go see Monty Python's Spamalot, and the Lion King, an iPod, a REALLY nice tent and Hiking backpack, some nice clothes and jewelry and some movies I have been DYING for.  Not a bad lot, hey?

:)  Hope you guys have a flippen spaztastic start to the year, okay?  Lots of hugs!

500 visitors! Yaay me!

 Alright, incase anyone wanted to know, I got a 94% on my writing portfolio.  Highest in my class! :)

I'm 3/4s done with two of my classes, halfway done with my ultra dumb class the campus is forcing upon me, and 3/8s done with my chorus class.  Last semester, I got straight A's, I was happy.  My weighted GPA right now is 4.3. :)

Right now I'm on Thanksgiving break, so I'm over at my parent's house.  My brother's a boyscout, so this weekend we all went on a family camping trip.  IT WAS COLD.  I wanted to cry but I was afraid that the tears would freeze on my face instantly.  So I didn't.

I miss my friends from campus.  I won't see them for another week.  :(

Oh!  My wife, A, found a kinda-boyfriend.  I'ma call 'im Moose.  Her parents are, like, super-protective, so despite her age and mental maturity, she's not allowed to have a boyfriend.  Which is absolute craziness.  I love A's mom, but my goodness...  So, anyway, Moose is really happy with her, and A is really happy, and Moose is a drama geek and so is she and it just all works out to be perfectly lovely, except A has to sneak about pretending that she's not seeing Moose and all that jazz.  It's all very... sad and confusing.  But A's working through it.

Moose is funny, I hang out with him when I'm not swamped with classes.  He amuses me.  He's doing a 'Cinderella' production, and his costume apparently has alot of lace... A went to go watch him rehearse, and she called me and was all like "OMG, he looks amazing and hot and SEXAH!" and on and on for ten minutes.  She made me giggle.

My brother is at home with me, too (he goes to public mandatory school still) and he's playing MY PS2 game.  It's "We <3 Katamari" which is one of the trippiest games I have ever seen.  Ever.  Go google it, if you want, it's funny.  Buy it.  Play it.  Love it.

News on Boy:  I had a really sappy dream about him sunday night.   Like... REALLY sappy.  So sweet it makes me sick.  But I went through almost the entire day happy, not realizing that it was a dream.  And then at dinner I was just like "Awww man!.....This sucks!"  So apparently I still like him.  Which I kinda knew, but I was hoping I could ignore it.  I want him to be happy with So-and-so, though, because they're really cute, and now I'm friends with so-and-so, and I don't want her to be sad.  But, Man... I really REALLY like Boy. Alot.

Alright, I'm going to put down another one of my short stories, for anyone who's interested.  If you're not...  Just skip this all, I'm done! :)

Such is The City

I loved my Papa for many reasons, partly because he was so nice, partly because he was so strong, and partly because he was my father, and when you're that young you'll love anyone if they're related to you.  But the main reason I loved him was because he always told me the best stories.  My favourite was of the City-Souls, the one he told the most, and the one I believed most strongly in as a little girl.

"Every city has a guardian, a Soul," He would say in his deep, warm voice, "It watches over all the good people that live in the city.  And when the people go to Heaven, the guardian comes to get them, and keeps them safe."

"Is the guardian nice, Papa?"  I would always ask, my eyes wide, and my small voice hushed.

My Papa would smile, "Very nice.  The guardian is like their best friend."

I would smile, too, "Yes," I'd agree, "Very nice."

We would sit in quiet for a while.  Then, I would ask, "Papa?  What does our guardian look like?"

"I don't know.  Our city is so small, and quiet.  She's probably very old, but very strong.

"Like Grandma!"
He would laugh, "Yes, like Grandma!"

Six months after I graduated from high school, my Papa died from cancer.  I had stopped believing in the story, though he told it to all of the nurses and to me every time I would visit in the hospital.  Two weeks after his funeral, I moved to a real city.  The place was young and sprawling, a place where no one ever slept.  Such is the city.

One more year passed.  It was a few weeks before

Christmas, I was going home from present shopping, when I stumbled and fell.  I hadn't realized what had happened to me; I just stood up and brushed the snow off of my pants.  After all, when I had been alive, I had believed in bright lights at the end of the tunnel, or the voice of God chasing away all my fear.  But there was none of that.  Just a passing lightheadedness, only noticeable for a moment, and then the realization that I was warm.

This was a strange thing: snow was lying on the ground in great, dirty pools of slosh, and moments before I had been watching my breath steam before me.  But I paid no mind, chalking the warmth up to the bright sun beating down upon my back.  I shed my heavy jacket, slung it over one shoulder, and went on my way.

I was used to the city by now, so I didn't think it strange when everyone ignored me.  Such is the city.  I had learned early on that if you looked at someone directly, they either thought one -- or possibly both, depending -- of two things:  That you were selling contraband, or you wanted to fight them bloody.  It wasn't until a few hours later that I would realize that they actually couldn't see me.

My apartment was small, and not in the cleanest of neighborhoods.  But it was home, and it had a roof that didn't leak, four walls, and a door that locked, a big value in the city.
There was a stranger standing outside my door, leaning against the wall.  He looked only a few years older than me, with pale skin, and patient, kind eyes that swirled with many colors.  He straightened up as I walked over to him, and I unlocked my apartment to let him in.  I didn't think about the possibility of this man just waiting about to kill me, though I should have.  I lived in a place where a neighbor could, and probably would if given the chance, greet you ‘good morning' with a smile, and stab you in the stomach with the same breath.  Such is the city.

I should have been afraid.  I wasn't.

I started to make spaghetti for dinner, for both of us, and the stranger helped.  He worked excellently in my kitchen, as if he knew where I kept everything.  He handed me jars of tomato sauce, boiled water for me, and set the table.  It was nice to cook with someone, even though we didn't say a word throughout the process.  It was as if he and I both realized that words were not necessary, yet.  We had nothing to say.

After dinner, the man helped me clear the table and wash the dishes.  We still hadn't spoken.

Together, we sat at the window seat, and gazed through the glass to the sprawling painting of life below.  Such is the city.

I watched the sun set, and the sky quickly grew dark as I stared.  Then I turned my full attention to the man.  I watched him stare at the lights on the skyscrapers as they flicked on, one by one.  Such is the city.

The lights were reflected in the swirling orbs of color that were his eyes.

"I love this city."  I said, because I had to.  The moment called for it.

He turned to look at me, the lights still in his eyes.  He said nothing.

"My father told me stories all the time," I whispered, and I shared with him my story of the City-Souls, "I used to believe in it, so strongly!"  I smiled sadly, "I wonder what ours would look like? This city's still so young."

He blinked his patient eyes, and I thought I saw a glimmer of a smile grace his lips, but then it was gone.

We sat like that for hours and hours, though I didn't grow tired.  We watched together as the sun hefted itself above the steel buildings, like a triumphant warrior, conquering the cold of night.  The city became bathed in a pale light, the sky patient and kind, swirling with so many colors.  Such is the city.

It was then that I realized who this non-stranger was.  And when I realized how amazingly in love I felt.

"I love you." I had to say, my voice awed.  Of course, he already knew; I had already told him.

The young man nodded gently.

"I'm...dead?" I asked, finally realizing what this was.

My love nodded again.

"How?"

He touched my chest where my heart was, and I understood.  My heart had always been weak.

"You've treated me so well."

He tilted his head to the side curiously.

"For the few months I've lived here, I mean."

He really did smile then, a full, breathtaking smile, as if I had said something brilliant.

He held out his hand, waited.

I looked at it without moving.  I wasn't afraid.  No, I think it's quite impossible for a dead person to be afraid after the fact.  I was just thinking about what would come next.

"Where will I go?"  I asked him, staring at his lovely, color streaked irises.

With his free hand, he touched his face, just beneath his left eye.

"Okay..." I sucked in a breath. I would become a part of my love forever; I would be one of his colors.

"It's alright," He spoke for the first time, "Don't be nervous."  His voices were many: men, women, and children.  All the good people that had lived and died in the city.  Hundreds of them.

He smiled reassuringly at me.

I trusted him.  After all, I was - am - in love.

I grinned, and grabbed My City's hand.

 END

I like that one.  Wrote it during Mid-terms. :)

Flippen Spaztastic.

I feel like crying.

 I always like the wrong people....  I'm sad.

The boy decided to get a 'real' girlfreind.  Kind of like a kick in the stomach, really.  He's just like... "Yeah, do you know So-and-so?"

I didn't, really.

"Well...  Yeah, she's my real girlfriend now."

And I was just like "Oh...Sweet.  That's cool." Trying to act like I wasn't going to cry.  I don't think he noticed how upset I was.  I hope he didn't.

And I really don't want to be mad at him, because I still think he's realy sweet, and I can't be mad at him for going out with So-and-so.  That's his choice, anyway.  But then, yesterday, he walked up to me (I was talking to J, my stalker boy, who's become less of a stalker and more like one of my best friends ever!:) )  and was just like, "I feel so proud of myself!  Before, So-and-so didn't know how to make out, and now she's really good at it!  I taught her everything she knows, I feel so acomplished!"  Then he just grinned and walked away, like a total jerk.

Sigh.  This really sucks.

OKAY, but time to stop wallowing in misplaced misery, on to the fun stuff!!!

So... Schizoid has decided to become my big brother... for unknown reasons.  Except we discovered yesterday that I'm like.. a month and a half older than him.  But I don't much care, and I don't act like it, anyway.  So now everytime I see him I'm all like, "BIG BROTHER BIG BROTHER!"  And I jump up and down five times.  I've got it down to a science, I have.  And then we hug, and her tells me that little sisters don't really call their brothers "Big Brother."  And I argure that I don't really care much, so there.

:D

Tomorrow night, I'm going to a HUGE Holloween party with like... thousands of people, I'm not even kidding.  It's going to be REALLY scary, I think I might just cry.  I'm going with my other five "big brothers" that I work with.  I'm gonna cry, and they're gonna tease me about it for ages. That's sad.  Oh well...

Then on Saturday, I'm going to my friends party, who I'm going to call Roosevelt, because I don't think I've talked about him before.  I haven't seen him in a while... since I switched campuses, I think.  Should be tons of fun!

Oh oh!!  In other news, I have an 'A' in all of my classes for my final grade!!  Quite proud!  Only the second time in my life that's happened!!  :):):):):):):):):):):):)

Flippen Spaztastic!

Just six more visits, and I'll have 500 views!  Exciting for me!  I'm so close to it!  Yaay!

Anyway...  No class today, for some reason.  Whatever.  I really should be cleaning my house and making cookies for my church and fixing my hair and working on my projects and studying for my mid-terms...AND finish writing my newest chapter and my commissioned photo...

But instead I'll waste my time and my life on the internet.  Yaay!

Writers aren't known to be the most organized OR on-time people in the world.  And even if I'm still a learning writer...  That's my brain to a T.

T.T

But I got my holloween costume last night!  It's really cute.  It's like.... a goth Raggedy Ann doll.  I love it.  And pleasepleasepleasePLEASE don't tell me I'm too old for Holloween!  I LOVE Holloween, and every year, someone tells me I'm too old for it.  And that's sad.  Because really, I'm not.  Because my brain is like that of a four year old.  So I'm not.

I went shopping with my brother yesterday for HIS costume.  And I tried to make him a goth-y vampire-y thing.  AND HE REFUSED.  I almost cried, cs I think he would have looked AMAZING.  So now he's a stupid ninja.  Grrrrr....

No one ever tell's him that HE'S too old.   What's up with that?!  Sigh.

If you couldn't tell, I wish I could be goth.  But I can't, because I'd be looked down upon as a poser.  Cos I'm too happy all the time or whatever.  I LOVE the clothes, I LOVE the music, I LOVE most of the people who fall into the category (because they're just so open and fun!), but I'm too happy.  And THAT makes me angry, because all the little 'goth' kids running around these days are all.... 'my life sucks, so that means I'm goth.  Chyeah.'

As if.

Sigh.

The boy I was talking about before?  He's goth-ish.  Kind-of.  And he thinks I'm insane.  It's great fun ;).

I really like him.  Like.......ALOT.

:D

Awkward Confession

"Hi, Jessica," He said, standing in the doorway to her dorm.
She stood up from her desk, shoved her hands in her pockets, "Hey."
They were silent, awkward.
Then he spoke, quiet, shy, "We broke up."
"What?" She was studying the pile of laundry on her floor.
"Crystal and I." He explained, scuffing the toe of his shoe against the carpet.
"Oh." Jessica said.
He waited for her to say more.
She didn't.
"Okay...well..." He turned around, like he was going to leave.  
He didn't.

"Last night --" he started to say.

"Was wrong." She finished for him, forcefully.  Jessica watched his shoulders hunch forward a bit; his back was toward her.
He still didn't leave, "You know I --"
"Hey, Char?"
He turned around a bit too quickly, his face hopeful "Yeah?"
"I'm with Liam."  She told him, though she was sure he already knew
"Oh."  Char studied his shoes.
She coughed and hugged herself, shifting awkwardly.
He looked at her silently for a few minutes, and then said softly, "You regret it?"
"Yes.  No, yes!"  She shook her head, confusing herself.
"I'm sorry."  He said, disappointed at her reaction.
"We cheated."
"I know."
"I'm sorry, Char."
"Don't be, Jessica."
Jessica sucked in a deep breath, "Okay."
Char clucked his tongue absently and ran a hand through his hair.
"You broke up?" She asked.
"Yeah, we did."
"Sorry."
He shrugged lopsidedly, "Don't be."
"Fine. "
"Liam's a jerk."  He said, crossing his arms.
"Really, he's sweet."  She tried to defend her boyfriend, though she knew that Char was right.  Liam was a jerk.  But he really did like her...
"Whatever you say."
"I love you."  Jessica bit her lip as soon as the words had left her mouth, only half-wishing them back.
Char looked up sharply, unsure if she was serious.
Jessica smiled sadly.
Then he smiled, not at all sadly, "Me, too."
They looked at each other, no longer awkward, no longer nervous.  Just smiling.

Actors Studio Method, Pizza FULL:

John: Is on the phone, ordering a pizza, when Julia walks in.
Julia: Is John's jealous girlfriend who is convinced John is speaking to another woman in code.

John: Mmhmm...Yeah, okay. Half an hour?
[Julia walks in]
John: Alright... 30 minutes. Make sure it's hot, okay?

Julia: Who is that?!

John: [covers mouthpiece of the phone] Nobody, honey. [Into the phone] Extra cheese, right? Okay. Right.

Julia: 'Extra cheese'?! What does that mean?

John: It means extra cheese, Julia.

Julia: What, am I not good enough for you?!"

John: Julia! I'm HUNGY!

Julia: So you have to go somewhere else? [starts to cry] I'm hurt, John. How could you?

John: Sweetheart.... I love you, but... your pizza just is never quite right.

Julia: 'My Pizza'?! It's 'my pizza' now?!

John:  Oh my God, Julia!  Back off, I'm sorry!

Julia: [growls] I can't believe this!  Go ‘cancel your order', or I'm done with us!

John: [flings his hands in the air in an exasperated fashion] Julia, I can't!  He's probably halfway here, already!

Julia: [is shocked] A man?  John - a man is giving you ‘pizza'!?

John:  Well... Probably.  I'm not really sure... but normally it's a man.

Julia: [begins to sob] You mean...God, John, you've done this before!?

John: [he  sighs]  Yes, Julia.  This has been my plan B for years and years.

Julia: [Chokes in surprise]  Years?!  John, how could you?!

John: Why are you so upset over this?!

Julia: If you don't know, you don't deserve to know!  And you don't deserve me!  I'm leaving you, John!  Have a nice time with your ‘pizza'!

[Doorbell rings.  Julia runs over to the door and wrenches it open]

Julia: Do whatever you want with him you horrible boyfriend-stealer!

[she stops and sees the pizza man, who is looking confused and scared of Julia.]

Pizza Man: Um... I've got your medium pizza here... Extra cheese?

"The Grin"  DO NOT READ THIS ONE IF YOU GET SICK AT THE MENTION OF BLOOD

But this one is my favourite.......

I had just died not but a few days ago, and already my family was rid of me.  No coffin, no funeral, no ceremony.  Of course, they didn't realize my soul was watching them, but it doesn't make their actions sting any less.

After I was hit by the car, my family cried, of course, and they sued the teen that had hit me for negligent driving, and hit-and-run.  The case is still pending.

But two days after they had filed the case, they told everyone that they would rather have a small family service than a memorial.  Only they didn't hold anything of the sort.  They took my body, drove me up into the woods, said a two-second goodbye, and left me lying in the mud.

My soul watched over my body then, not fully realizing that my parents had truly abandoned me, until night fell.  The first scavengers were birds, and they landed on my body's face and begin to peck at my eyes.  Vaguely I was reminded of my last Halloween party, when I was bobbing for apples; such was the motion of the hungry crows.  Stunned and horrified, I watched the creatures for several minutes without doing anything.  I could almost feel the pain, but not quite.  There was a hot, barely itching sensation where my eyes would have been if I still resided in my body, and it wasn't until one of the crows had pulled one bloody orb completely out of the socket that I realized what I was watching. 

I yelled and raved, trying to swipe at the birds with my soul's non-existent hands, but the birds only looked at me with mild interest, and then went back to picking my eyes clean from my body's face.

I would have cried, but I learned then that souls did not cry.  Instead I screamed until my souls voice, somehow, went raw, and I was unable to scream any longer.

By the end of the night, all that was left of my body's face was bone, and the smallest shreds of muscle that the proud birds had been too lazy to eat.

The day after my face had been cleansed of all flesh, spots of grey and green rot bloomed over what remained of my body.  I watched that day as more beasts shredded my skin from my bones, ignoring the hot feeling whenever something bit or tore into the bits of flesh that had not yet rotted.

I was hurt.  How could my family do this to my body?

By the end of the third day, even the rotten flesh had been eaten by hungry animals. 

All that remained was bones, my skull grinning at me, for it did not have a choice.

This is my short story:

 The Icky Incident

I love Christi dearly.  My darling daughter, my only daughter, was always sure to tell me, everyday, how much she loved me.  And the extent of a four year old's love will always be as far as her arms can reach, and always "plus one" more than I love her.  That's what she thinks, anyway, but she doesn't realize that my love for my baby girl is far greater than any number can count.

          What I didn't love was that evil mouse on the Disney Channel.  Mickey Mouse was, and is, Christi's "best friend", since her second birthday when she got a stuffed animal of the thing.  And I used to think that the mutant rat from hell was a blessing.  Everyday, Christi would march down the stair in some hideous assortment of patterns and colours - she was very particular about dressing herself, without Mommy's help - and click on the television to Playhouse Disney.  My Christi would then proceed to zone out in front of the T.V.  That suited me just fine, as it's always taken me three cups of coffee and at least two hours to fully wake up.  Christi was quite happy with the arrangement, as well.  But if I didn't know then, I know now that Christi doesn't like changes in her schedule.

          The night before "The Icky Incident", as we now call it, the T.V. set had been placed out of commission in an incident involving my husband, Jeff, a wireless Nintendo Wii remote, and a two-inch-in-diameter hole smack dab in the middle of my television screen.  I was sitting in the kitchen the next morning, only on my second cup of coffee, when a blood curdling scream of absolute horror tore into the room and assaulted my ears brutally.

          I leapt from my seat, the wooden chair I was sitting in toppling backward, and my second-best coffee mug shattering into millions of pieces as it tumbled from my hands onto my granite floor.  I flew into the living room, vaulting over left-behind toys and picture blocks, trying desperately to get to my daughter, so I could fight off whatever evil was harming my precious little girl.

          Immediately after I got to her, I scooped her up into my arms and began to check her for injuries. Distantly I realized that she was pointing to the far corner of the room, but I quickly shoved that thought aside and focused on checking that no bones had been broken.

"Shhh, shhh, baby what's wrong?  What hurts, show mommy?"

But my darling four year old was a blubbering mess, buckets of tears pouring down her face and soaking her overalls as she screamed and cried.

When I could find no bleeding or immediate bruising, I switched to yes-no questions, "Is it your head?"

Her wild blonde hair flew as she shook her head ‘no'.

"Your arms?  Tummy?  Legs?  Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

All of my questions were coming back to me as ‘no's, and she was really sobbing now, upset that I didn't magically know what was wrong.

"Wanna...where?!  ICKEY!" She screamed, hugging me fiercely about my neck.  I rocked her back and forth, making soothing noises to get her to calm, while my own mind was racing a million miles a second.

"Honey, you have to tell me what hurts?  Can you do that for Mommy?"

"NOT HURT!  Ickey!!"

My breathing began to even out almost immediately after being informed that my baby wasn't hurt.  But I still couldn't figure out why she was crying, "What's icky, honey?"

"ICKEY!"  She wailed, furious that I did not understand.

"Show me, sweetie.  I don't know what that means."

She flung herself away from me, stomped over to the far wall, screaming her head off, and thrust her hand into the space where the T.V. had previously sat.

"Oh, man..."  I groaned.  Ickey was Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse was in the T.V., and the T.V. was now living in the bottom of the dumpster...

"Sweetie..." I was speaking very softly, so that if she wanted to hear me, she had to stop screaming.  "Sweetheart," I began again when her screams had dulled to whimpers and tears, "Mickey Mouse is on vacation today.  You know vacation?  He'll be back tomorrow."

She blinked at me owlishly, confused, her blue eyes huge and red from crying, "But Ickey... Ickey doesn't go on vacation."

"He's on vacation today, love."

Christi then crossed her arms and did the best impression of my eternally-disappointed-in-me-mother-in-law that I have ever, to this day, seen.  Then she promptly threw herself on the floor, kicking and screaming bloody murder.

"NOOOOoooo! NOOOOOO!!!"

"Christi!  Christi stop it!  Stop it now, Christi!!"

"Noooooo!  ICKEY COME BACK!"

You would have thought I was killing her, with how much she was screaming, and any other time it might have been funny.  But as it was, I had been allowed only one and a half cups of coffee, and I was not happy.

I scooped her up and attempted to take her up the stairs, but she was flailing her arms and legs about.  "Stop it!" I yelled, as one cowboy boot kicked me in the face, "CHRISTI!  Cut it OUT!!"

"Nooo!  Ickey!  I love you, NO VACATION!!"

Finally I was able to drag her into her room, though she was still screaming like a banshee and was trying to worm away from me. I hefted her up into her bed and removed her shoes, - one cowboy boot and one flip-flop - deciding it best that she sleep for a while longer.

She screamed in my ear, and I jerked back, suddenly hearing a high-pitched ringing that made my eyes water. "NO!" I said sternly, "We don't yell at Mommy!  That is not allowed!"  I stood up, turned on my heel and left her room, closing her door behind me.  When I got downstairs, I could still hear her screaming her lungs out.

I started another pot of coffee.

Two hours later, Christi came down the stairs quietly, so quietly that I didn't realize she had even come out from her room.  The screaming had stopped an hour ago, and I had just assumed that she had finally fallen asleep.  I was sitting at the table again, reading some book or other, when she came up behind me and hugged me gently.

"I sowwy mummy..."She sniffled, "I love you... I sowwy."

My anger at her tantrum - for it really was her outburst, not Christi herself, which had frustrated me - was forgotten instantly as I hugged my baby girl.  "You won't do that again, though, will you?  You hurt Mommy."

"I sowwy...I sowwy mummy.  No hurting mummy..."

"Okay," I said, and she was forgiven, "Alright sweets."

She smiled and tottered off to the living room to read a book or play LEGOS or something.

In another hour I was done with my book, and I was getting lunch together.  Macaroni and Cheese was Christi's favourite, and I had decided to make it after such a rough morning, as a sort of pick-me-up for her.

"Christi!" I called, "Come eat lunch!"

Silence.

"I made macaroni!  And juice!"  Christi liked juice best, too.

More silence.

Then, "I like maconree cheese..."  I heard her say, and I smiled at her inability to pronounce the word.

"I know you do.  Come eat, love."

There was a big sigh of indecision.  And then she said, sadly, "I can't mummy..."

I frowned, and began to walk into the living room, "Why n-" I stopped.  Christi was sitting in front of where the T.V. was supposed to be, staring at the empty space.  All around her were ALL of her stuffed animals, covering every surface of my previously clean living room.  Pigs, elephants, dogs, cats, cows, and birds everywhere.  Lions and tigers and bears, too.  Oh my.

"Christina Jane Springs, what on earth have you been doing?" I breathed.

She looked up at me, smiling, and said proudly, "I'm waiting for Ickey!"

"And the stuffed animals?"

She looked around, then, and her eyes widened as if seeing the animals for the first time.  Then she looked back to me, "They are waiting, too!"

I sighed, "Christi, I thought you knew that Ickey - I mean Mickey - is on vacation!"

She nodded, "Mm-hm!  But Ickey will come for me!  He'll come back!"

"He'll come back tomorrow. Now come eat!"

"No!" She cried, tears starting again, "What if he's back and I am gone?  Ickey be mad at me, then!"

"Oh, Christi, he won't be mad, I promise!  He's coming back tomorrow, so you can eat now!"  I was getting frustrated again.

Christi shook her head, "No, mummy!"

"Well, guess what?  You're going to eat, anyway."  I picked her up and carried her to the kitchen.  She didn't struggle, but as soon as I had put her in her chair, she slipped out of it and ran back into the living room.

I chased after her, and repeated the process again.  And again.  And again.

When Jeff came home from work, some three hours later, I was still trying to get her to eat the now-cold lunch I had made.  I was half-sitting on top of her, and she was sobbing, though quietly, and trying to wriggle away without hurting me.

"Ickey!  Ickey!"  She kept saying over and over again.  I kept telling her that he would be back tomorrow.

"Good God, Mary!"  Jeff cried when he saw us, and indeed, I do believe we would have made quite a sight, "What are you doing to her!?"

"Daddy!"  Christi cried, "Mummy squishes me!  Help!"

"Mary!!"

This is where I sighed and stood, surrendering.  Christi escaped, gave her father a quick hug in thanks, and ran off to wait for Mickey Mouse to come back.

"What was happening?"  He tried to hug me, but I stopped him.

"Go get a T.V. Jeff."

"What?"  He stared at me.

I stared back.

He pouted, then, not unlike Christi, "But I just got home!" He whined.

"I've been with your daughter all day!  She won't do anything until she sees Mickey Mouse!  And you broke the T.V. last night.  So you have to."

"But-"

"Jeff!  T.V."

He sighed, "Yes, dear."

"I love you, mummy!!"  I could hear Christi call from the living room, "I sowwy!  But I wait for Ickey!  I love you!"

I sighed, my anger draining, "I love you, too, sweets."

"I love you thiiiiiiiis much!"  I could imagine her stretching her arms out wide.

"I Love you more!" I smiled

"I love you plus one than you love me!"  She giggled.

"Oh yeah?"  I laughed.

"Yeah!"

"Do you love me more than Ickey?"

Silence.

Haven't posted since..... the dinosaurs roamed the earth.  Sorry.

I'm so freakin tired...  Today was just soooo.... exhausting.  It was very close to being fun, though.

Alright, so we eat lunch ('we' being like... twenty people who feel like eating on campus that somehow all know each other) in the campus courtyard, cuz we're dorks and we never feel like going out to eat.  YESTERDAY, I was Hanging with Cupcake and Schizoid and S and E2 (E2 is one of my bestest friends ever.), all chillin and everything.  I was talking with Schizoid (Who I've kind of been flirting with.... but not alot, I promise!  He's just.... really amazingly Hot.  Oh goodness.) and in the middle of a sentance, cupcake swoops down on me and demands to know why I'm hanging out around them.

She was like this: "RAAAAWR!"

Only she didn't say that.

But I was like... What just happened?  I thought it was because I'm trying to drop hints at Schizoid...  but I wasn't even doing anything.  We were talking about my brother.

So I kind of just... apologized, for what I still don't know, and I went over and sat by 'our' table.  Our group of lunch people is comprised of several different circles of frinds that intricately connect and disjoint.  I moved over to one of the circles I didn't know.

And I was very uncomfortable.

Mashing left and right, hands up the clothes, loud 'noises'.... So I left them, too.

I'm scarred for life.  Sigh.

But then I had frosting in my Bio course!!!  Frosting is GOOOD.

Sidenote.  Kitty and I are split, forever.  We have mutually agreed that while we love each other dearly, It just wouldn't work, and we're moving on.  Still hurts, though. :(

Anyway, my life has been, will be, very happy overall.  It's wonderful.

Flippen Spaztastic! :)

Okay, haven't posted in a bit.  Sorry!  My comp is dying, cause we have a virus, so I'm typing this up at the library.  :(  My cell phone's dying, too.  That's sad....  I love my cell phone....

Anyway, my 'week o' fun' is almost over, and It's been great.  Tonight is the last event, The Lock-in! I really hope I don't fall asleep tomorrow....  Normally I stay up the whole 12 hours, BUT tomorrow I'm going skating as a 'back to the campus' party with my friends.

Oh, do any of you remember J, the stalker boy who was asking everyone for my number and E-mail?  Yeah.  He's transferred to my new campus, too.

The campus looks fabulous, by the way!  Classes atart on tuesday!  I'm so happy, because most of my friends have transferred with me, so we'll kind-of be together in some of our courses.  I don't know how many courses we'll actually have together but.... *shrug*

On a slightly more solemn note...  Kitty's back.  She's been sending me e-mails, apologizing and such.  I havn't replied to any of them, because, honestly?  I'm scared.  Because...  what if i actually figure out what's going on?  What if we start seeing each other again, and then somthing happens and she leaves?  What if she stays?  What if my family flips out again?  What if I can't trust her?

 Ther are so many ' what if ' s.  Is it supposed to be this way?  Am I not supposed to know what to do?  And now, the more that I think about it, was I not devasted about her leaving because I really don't love her?  Or was it becuase I really thought she'd come back?  I'm so confused.  I want to see her, to talk to her, to tell her I love her... even if it happens to turn out to be a lie later, because right now it's truth.  Is that selfish?  Everytime I think about her leaving again, my head starts pounding, and I feel sick.  Is that normal?  And when I think about her staying, I can't breath, but in a good way.

I don't know what to do.

I've reached 450 visitors, which is cool.  Yaay.  But I am sooooooo tired, I think I might be getting sick again.  My immune system might just hate me.... for some reason or other.  Whatever. My lack of exclamation points betrays how exhausted I really am..... blegh.

Alright, so now that I'm an official student at my campus, I actually have a social calender.  Cool, right?  I'm going to a party tonight with, I think anyway, around 20 other people from my group at church.  It's gonna be fun.  We're going swimming, and then doing fondue.  Which, you know, Is really funny.  Because three years ago most people I know would go 'ewww...Fondue?  That's for old people...Isn't it?'  and now everyone's like "Woo! Fondue!  That's gonna be fun!!"

And I can officially walk without pain this week!!  Running still stinga abit, but I can danceand walk on sand and climb up hills and go for walks and actually wear shoes now!!  Cool, eh?

Flippen Spaztastic

All right.  So my life is boring again, and nothing is happening, aside from getting my braces in just over 2 weeks.  Oi.

Now, I'm just waiting for August 12, so my week-o'-fun can start!!  Heres what I'm doing that week, if you care, with about 40 of my freinds my age from my church.  It's designed for all of us to have a ton of fun before we all ship of to our campuses in the two weks afterward. SWEET!!!

Sunday: Kick-off dinner, lots of fun games and AMAZING food, it's great.

Monday:  International Chaos :"International Chaos is an Amazing-Race-type scavenger hunt across town. Participants will be teamed up, given a super hero to dress like, and will have to crack codes and clues that will lead them to a destination. At each destination they'll have to complete a challenge that will give them a clue to the next destination. The first team to complete every challenge and get back to base first wins!"

Tuesday:  A mini-amusement park during the day (bumber cars, pool, arcade, mini-golf, lazer-tag, race-car derby thing), and then Broom-Hockey until 12 am.

Wednesday:  Dinner and Dance cruise all night.

Thursday:  REAL amusment park, complete with 7 rollercoasters!  Woo-hoo!

Friday: Lock-in from 8pm-8am.   Basically we run around our church like lunatics, watch movies, play in the gym, play games, sleep in the elevators(my church is HUGE!) and eat food.  Oh yeah, definition of fun.  :)

Anyway, It's gonna be great, and this is the first year I get to do everything that's set up.  I'm so excited!!! 

I'm bored.  And tired.  I have nothing to do today.  I need a job that doesn't give me two weeks off at a time. X.x

I'm off my crutches today, just taking it easy I SWEAR.  The bruise is paler now, not nearly as gross as it was, for which I'm glad.  Oi, my head just started squeezing in on my brain.  Ow, need tylenol.

Went and saw Transformers last night.  The Cloverfield Project looks like it's going to be awsome.  At least I hope it will be,  it better match the hype or I'll cry.  Slusho.jp is a fairly scary viral site supposely promoting the Project.  It creeps me out. *shudder*

I'm getting new furniture on thursday!  Woo-hoo!  My new couch is red, but my dad says that it looks like a couch you would find in a brothel.  That makes me sad, cause I love this couch.  And I'm getting a red chaise (did I spell that right?), which he thinks adds to the 'theme'.  The colour red just freaks him out, I think.  Anyway, I  still love my daddy.

Eeek.  I still have to find him a b-day present.  Hehe, maybe I'll right him a song :P.

OOO!  Good story I just remmembered!  You may think that it's stupid, so skip it if you want, but I like it!  It's about me!  Yaay!  When I was younger, I was sooooo shy about my voice, but I would sing ALL the time, cause that's just what I did.  I would be singing without ever realising it, but then someone would walk in the room, and I would immediatly stop singing, like a total geek, right?  I was shy.  So my Dad and I were driving to go pick up my brother from school, waaay back when he was in Grade K, jeez that was a looooog time ago.  O.o     

ON WITH THE STORY!!!  Our car radio was broken, and Daddy told me to sing, because he was bored.  But I was so scared, cause I was a wimp, and I was, again, shy.  But eventually I started singing, and he actually cried.  I stopped, cause I thought my voice was so horrible that it made him start sobbing.  But no, he just loved the song I was singing, and I had never sung for him before so he was happy.  The end!

Jeez,  I typed that all up in less then a minute.  Hyper much?

I'm hungry.  I'm gonna go get lunch now. 

Flippen Spaztastic.

My family and Brown's family seemed to team up on Kitty's.  Apparently a barrage of E-mails and phonecalls reached Kitty's Mom, Dad, brother, and Kitty herself, on Friday.  It was mainly my Mom and my Dad's mom, but it was Brown's mother and a few of her close cousins, too.

I don't know what was said in the e-mails or the phonecalls, I haven't talked about it, but it was bad enough that Kitty packed up all her stuff and flew to L.A.  She said that she wasn't going to come back for me, that she couldn't be around me anymore.  She's gone, and I can't find enough in me to go after her.  I guess my family was right.  I don't really love her, after all.  I cried, of course I cried, and I'm sad, but I'm still functioning.

I don't know how Brown's doing, but I'm not mad at my Mom.  I'm mad as hell at my Grandma, because it was none of her buisness,  and I think that grandmothers should atleast call to check in every, you know, three years if they want to be a part of their grandchild's life.  Whatever,  from now on, I'm probably not going to talk about Kitty anymore, and I'm gonna be alot happier.

This is a mean, but maybe now I'll have a chance at salvation, now that I'm not a "Disgusting fag" that only has three rights, "1)AIDS, 2)HELL, 3)FORGIVENESS FORM GOD."  Man I hate roadside protesters.  That's taken directly from a sign outside my church, because people dissagree that 'Fags' should be allowed at my church,  when there are at least 15 of us that have been welcomed in open arms to the house of the Lord.  I hate protesters.

Okay first off, I've had 350 visitors.  Very cool.

Second, I'm an Idiot.  I was bored being stuck in the house, and I figured that since I could walk around, I could stand to go to the gym.  Right?  It's been over a week since I sprained my ankle.  Everything's just fine.  Right?

As I've just stated, I'm an idiot.

So I went to a park.  With lots of HILLS, somthing I'm not used to because I have next to no hills in my area.  Seriousle, the parks are the only places withhills, it's ridiculous.

So I fell.  And now I've got crutches.  I suck like an oreck vacuum cleaner.

Oh!  But guess what?!!?  My Daddy, because I love him so, got me a shirt that says "I'm a Gimpy Flamingo.  Don't mess with me."  It's great!  It's all pink and black... Hehehe.

Flippen Spaztastic!!!

OKAY, it seems that some people are getting the pics and some people aren't, so I jsut put them in my pics section, kay?  Sorry that they were'nt working for you people.  -.-"

Another quick one becuase this is so funny, and real.  It was taken in my town.  Great, huh?

Flippen Spaztastic

 UPDATE:  The pics should be fixed.  Message me if they are not.

OK.  Nothing Exciting has happened to me that you don't know about already.

 I'm really just here to post pictures of my digusting ankle and all it's horrible-ness. 

These were taken by me with my camera phone, hence the funky angles and bad lighting.  Sorry.

The reall dark purple is right on the side of my foot, next to my heel, if that will help.

This is without my bandage:

And in this one, the lights better BUT....

 you can't see the bruise as well because my bandage is in the way.

My visitors jumped up 40 in the past 5 hours.  How wierd is that?  Guess I'll have to try and break my ankle more often, hey?

My ankle is purple, green, and blue.  Not pretty.  Blegh.  And I can't play DDR.  I'm sad.

This is, like, the shortest post ever.  So I'm putting up some cool pictures to distract you from the hideous short-ness.

I have this insane fascination with odd billboards.  Only I'm new to the site I got these from, so I don't know if any of these are real.  Be GREAT if they were.  :)

It would be truly....

Flippen Spaztastic

I'm home by myself ,

and the sky is black .

But still the sky won't cry.

The thunder is angry,

And I shiver at it's voice.

But still the sky won't cry.

My house is dark,

The lightning is rampant.

But still the sky won't cry.

I'm far too scared,

I just wish for the rain.

But still the sky won't cry.

My foot's not broken or fractured or anything.  Hooray!  It's just badly sprained and I tore a muscle just the tiniest bit.  My dad and I were in the docta-man's room,(he had to go with me to make sure I didn't fall on my face from hopping down the halls on one leg) and we were giggling like little children almost continually.  I'm not sure why.  We were talking about cochleas, and how it would be soooooo funny in I had a broken cochlea.

Miss G?  I just broke my Cochlea.....can I go home?

Coachleas are the little spiral bone in your ear that keep your balance, if you didn't know.

But Dr. W told me that my foot's going to be a giant bruise. :(

Flippen Spaztastic

Yaay! Fourth of July was yesterday!  The fireworks were amazing at my town, So much fun!

My family and I had Brown and her Family over for dinner and to walk over to the park for fireworks.  No, I'm not still mad at her, cause I really don't think that any of this whole big mess is her fault.  :)

So we were over at the park, and I decided to be stupid and run around like the crazy lunatic I am, and guess what?  I rolled my ankle, BAD.  I couldn't put any weight on it, and it was all swelling and it HURT like a beast.  This was before all the fireworks, so I was afraid I would have to get taken off in an ambulance before the show.  My priorities were a little bit out of order, hey?  ANYway, I got more EMT's, and three police officers.  They were bored, too, I guess, just like at my campus.  Only I think the EMT's were really just EMT's in training, because they put a heat pack on my ankle, which I thought was weird, but I trusted them anyway.  They were supposed to know what's best, right?  But now my ankle is all enflamed, it still hurts like a beast, and I have to hop around like some gimpy flamingo.

I really don't think it's broken, but If the swelling hasn't gone down by tomorrow, I have to go get it X-rayed.

At least I got to see the fireworks, hey?

Flippen Spaztastic

Woo-hoo!!!  I've had 200 visitors! Soooo cool for me.  Makes me happy.

But I have no friends.  Makes me sad.  Sad Aiyanna.  Cry.  Hey, does anyone wanna be my friend?  Cause that would be cool.  Yeah.

I'm like...drunk on air this week.  Last Night I was with a whole BIG group of people, and I scared this little middle schooler.  I felt bad.  I was all giggly and then crying and then all blegh in the span of thirty seconds.  And then I would get up and start dancing for no reason.  Which was fun,  but alot of people thought I was on somthing.  Which I'm not.  I swear.

No, really I'm not.  I just like to pretend that I'm on meds cause it gives me an excuse to be crazy.  Tom Criuse is going to swoop down on me at any moment, I just know it.  OKAY, enough with the randomness.

Ok, I'm gonna explain how I write now, because I just realized that my posts may not make alot of sense to alot of people.  I just type whatever comes to mind.  I don't go back and edit (unless my OCD forces me to fix a typo), I don't delete any posts once they no longer apply, and I absolutely do not go back and add sentences to a thought to have it make sense.  Once my thought is typed, it's concrete and permanant, and I absolutely will not go back to fix it just because you don't understand.  I'm sorry if I'm seeming mean, to those people who messaged me to go back and edit, but this is the way I vent.  So no matter how random a thought seems, somthing happened in my brain that forced me to type it, and if it's not explained right after, it most likely will not ever be explained.

Righty-roo, now that's over......  How have you all been?

Alright.  I'm happy today.  I'm not sure why, cause my brain is pounding from being air-drunk at an imaginary party last night, and my tummy is yelling at my brain for making it hurt.  That doesn't make sense?  I'm sorry.

But I'm still happy.  Nothing really intersting has happened in my life, so aside from possily being sick, I have no reason to be happy nor sad.  In all reality I should just be like a little Emo kid, apathetic in a corner in some underground club where all the drinks have depressing names, like child-proofed bottle or full bath tub or somthing.  Not sure why those are depressing?  Think about it, maybe it'll come to you.

Speaking of depressing, I have to get braces a week before I go back to my campus for the new year.  That sucks, because I have a gum addiction, and I'm not even kidding.  I go around begging for money so I can buy gum when I'm at my campus.  Oh well.

ANYWAY,  I'm personally sick of summer.  It's hotter than hell where I am, and I hate it.  I like winter much better, even though I never get to see snow.  Cry.  Yaay, I'm happy again! Mood swings from heck.

Ack!  My foot's asleep!

Flippen Spaztastic.

I'm sorry that I stole your red pencil

I'm sorry that I ''borrowed'' your books

 I'm sorry that I copied your homework

 I'm sorry that I was too dramatic

I'm sorry that I never finished a story

 I'm sorry that I got mad and threw the animal kingdom coffee cup at the main office

 I'm sorry that I was too clingy

 I'm sorry that I was too moody

 I'm sorry that I bitched about my problems to you all the time

 I'm sorry that I told my parents everything

 I'm sorry that I've never said sorry and meant it as much as now

 I'm sorry that on St Patricks day, I yelled at you and it was none of my buisiness

 I'm sorry that I came crawling back like it was nothing

 I'm sorry that I acted like a spoiled child just to get you to notice me

 I'm sorry that, because of one decision in the start of the year, I made 7th Hell for both of us

 I'm sorry that I froze in the elevator

 And I'm sorry that this might sit in my draft folder for three months before I get the guts to send it to you

 I'm not sorry that I spent two amazing years with you

 I'm not sorry that I told you

 I'm not sorry that you already new

 And I'm not sorry that I Love You

I'm so mad because I typed this up last week and the power went out, so I'm gonna try and retype the original message as best I can.

I just got back from tour.  It was only 2 weeks, not as long as some of the other groups out there, but It's the longest tour we've been on yet!  For a fun day, we went to Cedar Point, in Ohio.  I was one of the first 3000 to ride the Maverick, so We got a free t-shirt!  Yaay me!   Here are my top 3:

1)Top thrill Dragster

2)Millenium Force

3)Maverick

Here's the website for the Dragster: http://www.cedarpoint.com/public/park/rides/coasters/top_thrill_dragster/index.cfm

I love that ride!!  And I'm now going to tell yall somthing some of you have figured out already, and I'm getting tired of hiding it.  Kitty is a Girl.  I'm Bisexual.  Yaay me.

I called Kitty almost every night on tour.  brown went with us, cause she's in the group, and seemed to take great glee in the fact that she had been with Kitty all year, and that I hadn't seen Kitty in eight months.  But that may just be paranoia an my part.  Anyway, brown (have you noticed to lack of capital letter on her name?  That's silent disrespect that she'll never know about, that is.  Gah, ignore me, I'm tired and upset.) and I started talking about how we were both in love with Kitty, but brown doesn't want to be controlled anymore and blah blah blah.  God, I feel like a jerk for being so mean to brown.  Tell me if I'm seeming too harsh, okay?   Cause I'll definetly check myself in the future if I am.

brown told me that Kitty says that she loves her all the time.  Which hurts, I'm not going to lie.  brown also said that Kitty never means it when she says 'I love you' to her.  THEN brown said that Kitty doesn't really love me, and that kitty was really just a pretty whore.  I, of course, got defensive and, like all problems I'm faced with, didn't say a word like a coward.

But I got to thinking... it's okay to love someone, even if they don't love you back in quite the same way... right?  So even if Kitty really doesn't love me, I still love her and I can't be mad at her for it.  Because I figure if I really do love her, I shouldn't be able to really be mad at her, right?

I don't even know if this makes any sense to any of you.  Tour always makes my sleepy and delirious.

Flippen Spaztastic.

The Dance was amazing.  The music wasn't fantastic, but it was still good.  It was catered by The Melting Pot, which if any of you don't know what that Is I feel sooooooo sorry for you, it's GOOD!  My friend G was in this gorgeous gown, floor length, and she's so tiny she looked like a semi-gothic cinderella.  Not the Gothic ya'll are thinking of, but the old gothic with the very Victorian and Elizebethean flair.  She was absolutely beautiful.  My 'wife' A was wearing a red, simple dress witha black lace shall.  one of my best guy friends was wearing a $120 outfit from The GAP(which he was very proud of.  I don't understand paying that much money for a button down shirt, but if he can stand it, more power to 'im.)  My friends, names from now on are cupcake and schizoid,  Were dancingtogether on the last song of thenight.  Everyone is hoping that they'll finally admit to going out, cause they're both driving us CRAZY!  Like the little green worms.  We all jumped around for hours, and pretended to club dance, which was just about hilarious.

I get to see Kitty Tonight!  :) I'm happy!  Assuming Kitty shows up... sigh :(

woah..... moodswings....

Yesterday I got my hair done, so now it's got red-orange streaks in it, and it looks really pretty!  Okay, that's all.  Man.  My life's boring again...... -.-"

Flippen Spaztastic

I have now officialy had 100 visitors!  ^.^  Probably not alot compared to some of you but, *Shrug* It works for me.

The Upperclass Dance on my Campus is tonight, and I just about adore my dress.  I found it for, like, $40 in half an hour, and I love it!  Anyway, I think the dance is going to be alot of fun, and if it's not fun.... then I'll make my own fun!  : )

Do any of you who've read my Music, Love of my Life post remember Kitty?  Weeeell...  I found out a couple of weeks ago that my friend, call her Brown, has been trying to keep Kitty and I away from each other.  I don't know why, but I think it's because Brown is absolutely in love with Kitty, and doesn't want me to see Kitty because I'm quite possibly going to be in love with Kitty for the rest of my life.  I've been sending Kitty letters and things - you know? Valentines cards at Christmas?- through Brown,  but Kitty hasn't gotten any of them.  For eight months I've been sending Kitty seven things, one for everyday, a week, and Brown has been doing somthing with it all.  It's all very depressing, and I hate thinking of Brown doing somthing like that, because she's my best friend from my former campus.

So here's my problem.  Do I ask Brown about what's been happening, and risk being lied to and losing a friend?  Or do I continue E-mailing and calling Kitty in secret, and just become a bit more cautious to what I say about Kitty around Brown?  Or somthing entirely different?  Comments would be grately appreciated on this one, because I really don't know what to do...

Flippen Spaztastic

Is that.... A LITTLE GREEN WORM?!

I HATE little green worms, they drive me CRAZY!

Crazy?  I was crazy once...

The men in white put me in a circle room, and told me to sit in the corner.

But there were no corners, because it was a CIRCLE!

So I just sat in the center.

I died in that room.

The little green worms came out and ate me!

Little green worms?!

I HATE little green worms!

They drive me CRAZY!

Crazy?  I was crazy once......

Just somthing to annoy your friends with.  You can keep going for hours and hours.... I went on for 20 minutes today.  It was fun...

I didn't speak today
Save for when forced.
I had a lot of time to think,
Time to observe.

They all asked me why.
I tried to speak without words.
Why can't anyone listen?
Do I need to speak to be heard?

I didn't think it was a big deal.
But I was yelled at,
Pushed down,
Called a fag.

At least they know what I was doing.
It hung over me like a flag
Screaming "Look at me!
The girl who didn't speak!"

I didn't speak today
And I learned a lot of things.
I learned our world is as judgmental as ever.
I learned about me.

This really happened today.  I was participating in the Day Of Silence.  Go to dayofsilence.org if you wanna know more, but don't yell at me when you find out what it is.

I'm awfull.  Really I am. 

I had an attack on friday, around 11.  We were playing kickball for some unknown reason on my campus, and I sudenly couldn't breath.  Went to go use my inhaler thing and It was punctured, so I panicked and was escorted to the main office.  I panicked some more, my asthma turned into a hyperventilation thing.  EMS was called, I ended up with a fire truck, an ambulence, and 10 EMT's.  The only good thing was that the EMT's were cute.  Although my judgement was skewed, because they were saving my life.  Anyway, couldn't drive home, couldn't go to the rest of my classes, and I didn't need to go to the ER because the EMT's gave me a breathing treatment at the campus. I was okay, just shakey and reeeeally tired.  So my Mom AND Grandmum drove down to the campus, picked me up, took me out to lunch, and the day was saved. 

Hooray.  Happy Friday the 13th.

Went to another birthday party, this time no flirty guys, cause it was a sleepover, y'know?  We all went over to a recording studio and sang and made demo cd's and things.  Really awesome, and quite fun.  My friends, S, has an AMAZING voice, and asked me to sing with her on one of her songs. I just about died, cause I took that as a huge compliment. So exciting!  She said she hated her voice, and I wanted to throttle her.  She's going to take all my jobs from me in New York, I just know it.  And then, she said that she wanted to steal MY VOICE! Yet another big compliment, and I will love S forever.  After the studio, we( there were 7 of us) met up at S's house and ate chips and ran around like crazy people.  Terrorized the little kids next door and stuff like that.  My wife (see last post for explanation) showed up later because she was working on choreography for the Annie musical We're putting on in town.  We all had pizza and listned to music.  My new title is "Queen of white girl club dancing." It was spaztastic.  We talked about how my friend G got completely drunk off of a glass of wine and laughed and stuff.  Em was trying to find somthing to write with and guess what she found?  A pen that completely looked like a piece of male anatomy.  IT WAS SO WRONG, but funny as hell.  Em showed it to S's older sister, who's not that much older... 23 I think?  But Her sister J was drinking a soda and projectile spat when she saw it.  Funny as hell.  We spent the next twenty minutes rolling on the floor and hyperventilating about the pen.  God, it was so wierd.  That's what happens when you get a whole bunch of girls together I guess. 

ANYway.  We did makeup and watched movies and ate frozen cake at 3 in the morning.  It was fun.  A and G gave S George the Bush for her birthday, it was really funny.  And then we all (8 of us) fell asleep on a couch made for 3 people.  We were, like, laying on top of people and I was one of the people on the bottem.  I got squished, but it was okay.

It was Flippen Spaztastic

It's been quite a while... just havn't really had time to vent in a while, I guess.

I went to a friend's B-day party this month. Met a guy who seems a littlle bit...flirty. Let me back up for a second. 

On my Birthday, before all the 6 hours of tests and things, I got "Married" to one of my best friends.  Just a funny thing, really, cause we're both gals and everyone freaks out when we say we're together and that we have a child (She's in Colour Guard, and our "Child" is her rifle.  Long story, maby I'll tell another time.)So I'm at the party, and this guy, let's call him J, saw me hugging A.  Immediatly, he rushed over and did the same....I was like...O---Kay.  My wife, A, laughed it off, and we crossed to courtyard to where everyone else was standing, drinking and eating and such.

The ENTIRE night, J was following us around, and everytime A and I hugged, he hugged us, too.  When A left for home at like... 10 o'clock I guess, J was VERY flirty with me, saying he was my pimp and such.  Quite awkward, but I didn't really care cause everyone was kinda close, so I thought it was normal for this group of friends.  (I only met everyone in august or so.)  Didn't really think anything of it; after all, not like someone hasn't joked to be my pimp or anything before.  It's kind of a joke around my friends, cause I'm married and I tell people I love them all the time, not really anything special. (Is that really so odd?)

But J goes to my campus, and apparentlyhe's been asking around to get my phone # and e-mail. Stalker Boy.  I've been having this problem alot lately... Oh well.

So, in other news, I just got back from vacation in the mountains.  Absolutely BEAUTIFUL mountains.  I was camping and it was cold!  Went with my brother, and, like an idiot, he decided to skate down the side of the mountain.  Crashed and hit his head on a rock, tore up his back and knees.  He's okay, but I've been joking that he's gonna get all sorts of girls now that he's got "Battle Scars".  He thinks that's funny.

I also got a phone call from my friend N, who I havn't spoken to in months.  Just called out of the blue to say hi.  Then sent me a "True Friends" chain letter e-mail.  A bit odd, but it was nice.

So... yeah.  My recent life.  That's about it, really.

Wow, I'm boring, lol.

Spaztastic.  :)

Okay, this is candy sushi, it sounds really bad, but I think it's great.

1 tablespoon butter, cut into pieces
Around 10.5 oz of mini marshmallows
5 cups puffed rice cereal (recommended: Kellogg's Rice Krispies cereal)
4 fruit roll-ups (pressed dried fruit rounds, 8 inches) any brand, any flavor
8 strips licorice candy (recommended: Twizzler's brand), any flavor - pieces should be 6 to 7 inches long, trim to match width of roll-ups

Melt butter in a medium saucepan over low heat and add marshmallows. Stir marshmallows until completely melted. Remove mixture from heat and add cereal. Stir to coat cereal evenly in melted marshmallows.

Roll out the fruit roll-ups. Place 1/4 of the coated cereal onto each fruit roll up and spread and gather toward 1 side of roll up. Place 2 licorice twists onto the center of the spread out cereal mix. Wrap and roll the candy and fruit, maneuvering the licorice to the center of the roll, so that the finished product resembles a sushi roll. Repeat with remaining rolls.

Place a sharp knife into a bowl of very warm water. Cut candy sushi with warm knife and arrange on a plate then serve.

If you want a little bit more colour, I'd suggest adding a gummi bear along with the twizzlers, or like a gummi snake or somthing.  WARNIG: these are EXTREMELY sweet and very fruity.  :) Enjoy!

Okay so, I've been having a really bad kick-off of the week, you know?  Mondays and all that.  I still can't breath and my head has been giving me all sorts of trouble.  I got on the phone, and called my friend, who from now on is named Kitty, to whine and complain about how sick I am and how I feel lke I'm going to explode.  We got into a bit of a fight over somthing really stupid and just... immature. So, finally, after being yelled at for the past 20 minutes by Kitty, I hung up and cried.  Just all out sobbing, because Kitty could be the one person in my life that I actually love, and I just mucked it all up.

And then, I got out my MP3 player, and put it on shuffle.  And you know what came up?  A song I've been working on for the past six months titled "It's all gonna be okay".  There wasn't any guitar or piano with it, just me singing.  I recorded it on a really crappy mic in my livingroom, so the sound quality was horrible.  But it was beautiful.  It made me stop and think, this is NOTthe end of the world.  The end of the world is not going to come just because I'm fighting with someone I love.  I was being completely selfish, and the song I had written for the very person I had been fighting with ended up speaking to me the most.  And even if things don't work out between me and Kitty, and I end up walking away, the world still isn't going to end.  The world WILL NOT END just because I stop.  Music will still be in the world, and I truly believe that music is the the heart of our society, our communities, our countries, our ethnic groups, our religions, our people.  It's not gonna stop.  The heart aches, the pain, it's not gonna stop.  But it's all gonna be okay.  Because music is in our lives, braided and twisted into the threads of everything we are. 

I know this sounds really stupid, and like it's staight out of a Disney movie script, but it's not.  It's my life, and honestly, I don't care if you think I'm an idiot for posting somthing like this.  I really don't care.  And if you don't think I'm stupid, and you know what I'm talking about, thanks for listening.

It's all gonna be okay.

I just got back from a retreat trip.   Lots of fun, but it was FREEZING!!!!!  I guess that's typical of winter, eh?  Yeah....

So anyway, now I'm sick.  Just....sick.  I can't breath properly and anything I eat makes my stomach flip.  Pretty much sucks.  I'm tired, and I woke up today only to be told that, TA-DA!  I'd slept for 16 hours!  16 hours!!  I didn't even know that was possible, but I guess it is.  And how is it that after all that sleep I'm still tired?

You know what else sucks?  I found out on friday that  I have to take an EVIL test at school ON MY BIRTHDAY.  It's going to take all day.  Six hours of testing.... :(

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